Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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