I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize