took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
