all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
