i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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