I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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