so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
