It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
