the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
