Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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