Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
