Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
