Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
