woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
