i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
