Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
