So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
