I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
