Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
