I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
