I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
