will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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