I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
