new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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