I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize