How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
