Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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