Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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