I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
