I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
