how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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