the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
