sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
