i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
