My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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