I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
