You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
