I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
