I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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