i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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