So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
