i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
