So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
