i can't believe i had my finger in that
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
