I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
