yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
