i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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