I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
