Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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