Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
