My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
