dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
