walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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