So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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