this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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