so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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