Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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