i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
