Umm I'm too high to move.
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He shit in the fireplace