I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize