this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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