He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
