I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're too hungover to prance.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
