Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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