great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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