If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
