she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
