Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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