I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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