It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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