While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
